Confessions
by piper maru duchovny
Summary: Positive tests. Broken hearts. Heated Arguments. And a brand new life. AU following Personal Foul. Eventual DL.
1. Confessions

**Okay, I know you all are gonna hate me for what I do with this story, BUT trust me. I'm a DL girl all the way. You know that I'm gonna make it right (and I'm gonna try NOT abandoning a multi-chap for a change - but really, that's all my ADHD muse's fault.)**

**Disclaimer: I own not. **

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**_These are my confessions,  
Just when I thought I said all I can say,  
My chick on the side says she got one on the way,  
These are my confessions,  
Man, I'm thrown and I don't know what to do,  
I guess I gotta give you part two of my confessions.  
-_Usher's 'Confessions Part II';

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**The sky outside was a off shade of green and the hairs on Danny Messer's arm stand up. He shook his head and tried to shake the eery feeling that the day held. Lifting his eyes from the piece of evidence he was analyzing, he caught eyes with Lindsay and winked at her; for the first time in a long while, she gave him a real Montana smile. The phone in his pocket vibrated and he slid it out, the name on his screen made his blood run cold as he hit the talk button, "What?"

"Hello to you too." The voice on the other end of the line sniffled, "Danny, we've got to talk."

"Rikki," He said her name like it was venom, "I'm at work. I can't do this right now."

"I'm pregnant."

"What?" The air left his lungs and he grasped the edge of the light table to keep standing. His mind went numb as his eyes flicked around the room and he forced himself to walk to the stairwell at the end of the hall. He jogged down a few steps and collapsed in a heap against the cinder block wall, "Are you sure?"

"Yeah," She breathed and he could tell she was crying, "I'm sure. And Danny? I'm keeping it."

His fist collided with the cold wall and he could hear his knuckles crack. His heartbeat was erratic and his ears flooded with the unsteady thumping as his mind wandered to Lindsay. Everything they had regained in the past few weeks would be shattered with one single word. If he could take it all back, he would. Everything had hit him like a ton of bricks; he loved Lindsay, he had used a grieving mother, and now, he wasn't ready for a kid – especially not with Rikki.

"-k, Danny, I'm not expecting anything. I know that we did what we did because we were missing Reuben and I know that you're trying to fix things with your girl. I just... I needed to give you the option."

"Rikki," He cleared his throat, "I.. you're sure it's mine?"

"Yeah," She breathed, "Danny, I wouldn't have called if I wasn't sure. Look, I know... okay. You're not gonna settle down with anyone who isn't that one girl and I don't want you to do something stupid just because I'm... I just, I have to have this baby. For the first time since Reuben... I feel like I finally have something... someone... to live for."

"I've gotta go." He breathed, wiping his nose on the back of his sleeve, "Uh, I... I've gotta think. I can't think. I just.. I need..."

"I know." Rikki reassured him, "Do what you have to... you can call me at this number if you.. want to discuss anything. And, Danny, whatever you decide? You can always change your mind. I know that whatever we had is over, but the door to this kid is always going to be open to you."

"I've gotta go." He breathed, hitting the off button on his phone as he punched the wall so hard that his knuckle split open. His knees buckled as he rested his head against the wall and tears flooded his blue eyes. Blood dripped like rain from his hand, puddling on the cement step and coagulating.

The door from the landing three steps up opened and in stepped his saving grace. Lindsay's heart caught in her throat as she raced to him, "Danny? What happened?"

"I.." Words failed him.

"You're bleeding." She pulled off the flannel she had been wearing over her tank top and wrapped it around his bleeding knuckles, "Danny? What's going on?"

For lack of words, he held out his phone to her and watched her tense at 'Rikki Sandoval'.

"What'd she want?" Her hand shook as she looked up at him, "Danny!" She growled through gritted teeth, "What. Did. She. Want?"

"She's pregnant." He whispered and he watched his phone slip through Lindsay's fingers, smash against the edge of the step, tumble down to the next landing, and come to rest in pieces.

"No," Lindsay shook her head as her fists collided with his chest, "NO."

"Yeah, Monta-" He was cut off by the palm of her hand connecting with his jaw.

"NO!" The tears were flowing freely from the both of them as Lindsay slammed her hands repetitively against his chest and Danny took every bit of pain she unleashed, "Dammit! NO!"

"I'm so sorry," He mumbled through his tears, "So, so sorry, Baby."

"This..." She fell against his chest and he sunk to the steps with her in his arms, "But..."

"I know." He whispered against her hair, "I'm so sorry, Lindsay."

"This..." She pushed away from him and shook her head, "I can't do this."

"Don't say that, Lindsay!" He moved to his knees, grasping at her legs and looking up at her, "Don't leave me."

"Danny," Her chest heaved with the sobs, "What... She's. Pregnant. You slept with her when you were with me and, now, she's pregnant!"

"I know," And his heart broke as she shoved him away, "Baby, I'd take it all back if I could! I want to be with you. I love you! This isn't what I wanted."

"Well," She shoved him, "that's too damn bad because you made your own choices! And, Danny, those choices affect everyone."

"Lin-"

"-I can't look at you right now, let alone be with you."

As his heart shattered into a million little pieces the door opened again and Mac Taylor entered, "Leave the fighting- Lindsay?"

"Mac." She sniffled and wiped at her swollen eyes. Mac ran his eyes over both of them as his eyes flitted between the two of them.

"Go."

Danny reached for her as she made her way down the steps; her sun kissed arm pulled away from him as she tossed a glare over her shoulder. He let his hand fall as a whisper drowned out the world, "_I'm sorry_."


	2. A Multitude Of Sins

**I know a few of you had a great distaste for Rikki - and I know, I'm not her biggest fan either - but all of this could have been avoided if Danny had kept it in his pants. That being said, THANK YOU for the reviews. :) Love to you all. **

**A special note, I'm having surgery on my right arm Friday, so as far as my next update? It all depends on how I'm feeling. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. **

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_This is by far the hardest thing I think that I've ever had to do,  
To tell you, the woman I love, that I'm having a baby  
by a woman that I barely even know,  
I hope you can accept the fact that  
I'm man enough to tell you this,  
And hopefully you'll give me another chance,  
This ain't about my career, this ain't about my life,  
It's about us. Please.  
_-Usher's 'Confessions Part 2';

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"Lindsay, it's me again. I know you hate me right now. I hate me too. I love you, Linds. Please... I don't know. Call me. Talk to me. Please stop avoiding me." The machine beeped and Lindsay Monroe buried herself deeper beneath the blankets that littered her couch. Patsy Cline poured out of her sound system and a pint of Ben & Jerry's finest froze her fingers as she sniffled; she hated everything.

The past two days had been spent working through the emotions that seemed to be cycling through her mind; anger, hurt, love, more anger. The anger was directed at everyone; Danny, Rikki, the bastard who had killed Reuben, and herself. She was so angry with herself for falling in love with him. It was all so cliched; the country girl falls in love with the city boy and then the city boy crushes her naive heart.

"Linds?" A voice called from the other side of the door, "It's Stella, open up."

"Is Danny with you?" She called back as she tossed back the covers and wiped at her red rimmed eyes.

"No."

Lindsay padded barefoot across the floor to the door, checking the peephole before opening the door. Stella offered her a sympathetic smile as she held up a bag of Chinese and a bottle of wine, "I figured you could use some company of the female variety."

"I hate everyone right now, Stella, I can't guarantee that that you're safe from my wrath." She explained as she ran a hand through her greasy hair and let her boss into her apartment.

Stella nodded and lead the way to the kitchen, "I'd hate everyone too if I was you."

"I just don't get it, Stell. I am so mad at everyone that I don't really know who I am most mad at." Lindsay explained as she pulled out a pair of plates and began to dip up the food, "Part of me is mad at Rikki – but I know that she didn't act alone. I'm mad at the bastard that killed Reuben because if Reuben was alive this wouldn't have happened. And, more than anything, I'm livid at Danny for not keeping it in his pants."

"Well, if it's any condolence," Stella spoke as she poured them each a glass of wine, "I think Danny is mad at Danny for not keeping it in his pants."

"Good." She wiped at her raw nose and grabbed her plate, heading for the couch, "I hate him. And I love him. But, mostly, I hate him."

"I hate him too." Stella raised her wine glass in solidarity, "Lets create a 'I hate Danny Messer and his inability to keep his penis in his pants' club."

"That's a bit wordy for a title, but I like it." Lindsay gave a small smile and dug into her food, "Thanks for coming over, Stella."

"Judging by the looks of your coffee table, I was right in my assumption that you've done nothing but gorge on ice cream and cry." Stella shrugged, toeing off her shoes and tucking her feet under her.

Lindsay ate silently for a long time, "It's hard to be mad at Rikki."

"I know."

"I mean," Lindsay sighed and ate a bite of rice, "at least I can understand why she did what she did. Danny... I just want to throttle him."

"I think anyone in their right mind would." Stella agreed.

"What about Mac?"

"He wants you back Monday." She explained, "That gives you two more days to get yourself straightened out and forty-eight more hours for Danny and Mac to tear Danny a new one for hurting everyone's favorite cowgirl."

"I hate this." Lindsay picked at a loose thread on her blanket, "I mean, what girl falls apart just because her boyfriend knocks up another girl? This is the stuff that happens in high school and on soap operas."

"It's real life, Kiddo." Stella wrapped an arm around her shoulders, "It's messy, pain-filled, and everyone is full of bull. You just take the punches as they come and worry about yourself. Danny hung himself with his own noose. He's gotta deal with the consequences of his decisions and you have to decide two things. If you can forgive him and what forgiving him entails."

"Right." She sighed, "I don't know if I can ever trust him again."

"Time will tell."

Lindsay finished her food and set her plate on the table, "What now?"

"Now," Stella smiled, "finish your wine, take a shower, put on some clean sweats and go to bed. The rest can be figured out tomorrow once you've given your tired eyes a break."

The wine was finished in companionable silence and Stella cleaned the dishes and put the leftovers away before she bid her goodbyes. Standing in the doorway, she hugged her friend, "You'll figure it out, Linds."

"Thanks, Stella." Lindsay squeezed her neck and it was almost as good as her mother's embrace that lay on the other side of the country, "For everything."

"Just remember, love can cover a multitude of sins."


	3. A mess

**Alright, I didn't get to have surgery cause I had an evil fever, but whatever was causing my fever made my muse run away. It's back and here's that update you've been waiting for. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. **

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**The bull pen of the New York Police Department precinct was alive with chaos as people flitted around. Donald Flack sat at his desk looking up at his best friend who was staring across the room at his Montana, "So, Rikki's pregnant?"

"Yup." Danny sighed and kicked the ground, staring at Lindsay who was talking with Stella and a uni.

"And she's keeping the kid?"

"Yeah."

Flack sighed and turned his head to look at Lindsay Monroe, "And you managed to loose Monroe again?"

"Yeah."

"Boy, Danny, you really know how to fuck it up good."

Danny rolled his eyes and clapped his friend on the shoulder, "Thanks, Buddy, that was the kind of reassurance I was looking for."

"I don't know what to tell you, Danno." Flack sighed as he closed the manilla folder and tossed it on top of a growing pile of cases before straightening his desk, "She's gonna be mad for a very long time and I can't say that I can blame her. You're back at the very square one and this time you've got two strikes against you."

"Right, so what I really need is Babe Ruth's ability to hit a homer." Danny growled and ran his hand through his short blond locks, "I've got to talk to her."

"No you don't," He countered and pulled Danny back by the cuff of his jacket, "you need to sit your ass down, do your paper work for the next twelve hours, bring her a cup of coffee at the end of shift and pray to God that she don't call her dad and brothers to come whoop your ass, Messer."

"Right." He stuffed his hands into his pockets and rocked on his Converse, "I've gotta get goin' anyways. Rikki's got a ultra sound and I told her that I'd come. Maybe seeing the kid on a screen will make it a little bit more real."

"Don't stare too hard at it," Flack advised, "they tend resemble peanuts at that stage."

"Thanks." He clapped Flack on his back before making his way through the mess of officers and out to the street. As he walked down the steps of the subway he felt like everyone was staring at him, like everyone knew that Danny Messer had fucked it all up again. He had managed to run off the one person in his life that he really truly loved for the second time in a span of a few months – at this rate he'd be friendless by Christmas.

He took his seat by the doors of the farthest subway car; across from him sat a teenage mother bouncing her little girl on her knee as the child screamed. The screams sounded like white noise in his ears as he watched and his heart palpitated. The teenager who resembled a little girl herself had tear filled eyes and pleaded with the baby to stop it's sobbing. He wanted to tell the girl that it would all be alright and to help her however he could, but he was realizing that he couldn't even help himself let alone anyone else.

Rikki was standing outside the doctor's office when he walked up to her. She offered him a small smile and a cup of coffee. The coffee warmed his hands and he returned the small smile, "Hi."

"Hey," She whispered, "You didn't have to come.. I didn't expect you to."

"To be honest," He stuck his free hand into his pocket as they walked into the office, "neither did I. I just think that maybe seeing the ultra sound will make it real in my head... although, Lindsay leaving made it pretty real."

Rikki cringed as she signed herself in, "She left you?"

"She won't even look at me and I can't say that I blame her." Danny took a seat and Rikki sat down beside him resting the palm of her right hand flat against her abdomen, "Can you feel anything?"

"I can, like flutters... you'll be able to feel stuff in another month or two." She explained, "Anyways, sorry about you and Lindsay... this is such a mess."

"Yeah," He sighed and shifted in his seat, "it really is. A mess the two of us created."

"Yeah." She nodded her agreement and they fell silent.

The silence was awkward as Rikki twiddled her thumbs and Danny picked at a loose thread on his jeans before the technician called for them, "Rikki Sandoval?"

"Yes." Rikki stood and Danny stood with her, walking back to the darkened room. He closed his eyes as she changed into the hospital gown and got situated with the blanket on the table. Her stomach was exposed and the technician was squirting the gel onto her skin, "This is Danny. He's the father."

"Congratulations." The tech offered with a smile.

Danny nodded, "Thanks."

"Alright," The woman tucked her brown hair behind her ear and glided the ultrasound machine across Rikki's skin and the thumping of a heartbeat filled the room as a grainy image came on the screen. The technician pointed at the screen, "That's your baby's head. What you're hearing is his heartbeat."

"Him?" Danny jumped.

"Sorry," She gave a soft smile, "Won't be able to tell the gender until the baby is a little further a long."

The rest of the exam passed in short order; their baby was perfectly healthy and both parents were printed a set of ultrasound pictures. Danny stared at his unborn child as he made the trek back across Manhattan to the crime lab.

Stepping onto the street after exiting the subway he made his way over to the coffee house. He bought a regular black for himself and one of those fancy flavored drinks that were more sugar than coffee that Lindsay loved so much for her. Crossing the street to the lab, he made a break for the elevator and road in silence up to their office.

She was sitting with her back to the door, iPod on and her fingers flying across the keyboard. He placed the coffee down silently before taking his seat and turning on his computer. She printed off a report, straightened the paper, stapled it and stood before looking at the coffee. She didn't bother tossing a glance his way as she grabbed the cup and tossed it in the trashcan before leaving the office.

"Well," He leaned back in his chair, "that happened."


End file.
